Hash Guidance

Note:  Although there are no rules at the Hash, I am using the “rule” word due to lack of another word.

1.  No poofters.

2.  There is no rule 2.

3.  See rule 1.  No poofters.

4.  No stealing (see hereunder – definition of stealing):

Stealing – the covert removal of another Hashman’s property with the intention of depriving said Hashman of such property for an indefinite period of time.

5.  No stealing, but borrowing is okay (see hereunder the definition of borrowing):

Borrowing – the act of covert temporary removal of another Hashman’s property (property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, bugles and run books). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often such property is enhanced by suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower. Borrowing is a complex issue and, where any doubt exists, the Grand Master should be consulted.

6.  No poofters.

7.  Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The Religious Advisor is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than one hour before each Hash.

8.  No poofters.

9.  No discrimination. Wogs, abos, poms, unemployed, dogs, women, criminals, disabled, nymphomaniacs, Fosters supporters and even lawyers are all encouraged to Hash.   Alcoholics are particularly welcome.  Athletes are tolerated.  Athletes and dogs whilst permitted to run can never aspire to become Grand Master.

10.  Definitely no poofters.

11.  No competitiveness.

12.  Under no circumstances are poofters permitted to Hash.

13.  No training.  Persons caught training will be deemed to have breached rule 11 and will be liable to a charge. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided:

    a) running other than at official Hashes;

    b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt);

    c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class;

    d) using the stairs while escalators are available; and

    e) rooting the wife/girlfriend when so pissed (drunk), it is a marathon effort;

14.  All Hashers must commit to memory rules 1, 2 and 3 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation.

15.  Poofterism will not be fucking tolerated under any conditions.

16.  No fighting at the Hash. This rule is absolute, and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hasher causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt the shit out of him at some other place than the Hash and on some other day than Sunday which is a day of reverence and tranquillity.

17.  Poofters will be shot on sight. No poofters.

18.  Other rules may be enacted by the Mismanagement Committee as they see fit.

19.  Amendments to Rules 1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15 and 17 are illegal.

Note:  Bestiality is not covered in these Rules due to the proliferation of New Zealand Hashes. Whilst ovine relationships are discouraged in Australia, subject to certain rules, it will be tolerated:

    a) the fucker must be of NZ birth or citizenship

    b) the fuckee must be a ewe (no poofters!)

    c) the fuckee must be a consenting adult ewe

    d) the fuckee must be reasonably attractive

As this item is not incorporated in Hash rules, all behavour covered by the above note is subject to determination by the Grand Master.


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